GOOD MORNING.
OH, GOOD MORNING, NINA.
SAY, I HAVE A 2-FOR-1 DINNER COUPON AT CAFE DE BOEUF--
THAT'S FRENCH FOR "CAFE OF BEEF,"
AND MARY REFUSES TO COME.
WE'VE BEEN 4 TIMES THIS WEEK.
SO HOW DOES 7:00 SOUND?
I'M SORRY, DR. SOLOMON, I'M BUSY.
NO, LET ME EXPLAIN.
IF I BUY A STEAK DINNER, YOU GET ONE FOR FREE.
AND THEN WHEN THE GARÇON TURNS HIS BACK,
YOU CAN JUST SLIP ME A FEW BUCKS UNDER THE TABLE.
THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU,
BUT I HAVE A MEETING OF THE BLACK STUDENT UNION.
NINA, THIS COUPON EXPIRES TONIGHT.
YOU'LL STILL BE BLACK TOMORROW.
THAT'S TRUE, BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS.
B-BU--I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL COME TO THE MEETING,
AND THEN WE COULD GO GRAB SOME HALF-PRICED BOEUF.
DR. SOLOMON, I DON'T THINK YOU'D GET A LOT OUT OF IT.
THE MEETING'S A DISCUSSION GROUP
FOR BLACK MEMBERS OF THE PENDLETON COMMUNITY.
SORT OF LIKE WEIGHT WATCHERS.
I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE.
BUT--BUT NINA--
I DON'T GET IT.
WHY WON'T SHE ADMIT THAT THE BLACK STUDENT UNION
IS JUST A BLATANT RIP-OFF OF WEIGHT WATCHERS?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT!
DICK, YOU'VE GOT TO ACCEPT THE FACT
THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS IN LIFE YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.
OH, I ACCEPT THAT.
BUT WHAT ARE THEY AND WHY WON'T I UNDERSTAND THEM?!
HEY, HARRY, HOW WAS THE LIBRARY?
YOU ARE LOOKING AT A FREE MAN.
I RETURNED THE BOOK, PAID THE $14 IN LATE FEES,
CHECKED IT RIGHT BACK OUT AGAIN.
WHY?
WELL, I'M THINKIN' ABOUT READING IT THIS TIME.
OH, BUT GET THIS.
THE LIBRARY IS HAVING A POETRY CONTEST,
AND THE TOPIC IS "IF I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD."
ISN'T THAT PERFECT FOR US?
YEAH, SURE.
WE'VE GOT A KEEN THIRD-PARTY-OBSERVER PERSPECTIVE.
TOO BAD POETRY'S STUPID.
I DON'T THINK IT'S STUPID.
I THINK IT'S BORING.
THE SIGN SAID THERE WOULD BE PRIZES.
PRIZES?
YOU MEAN LIKE A TRIP TO HAWAII?
OR LIKE A DUNE BUGGY?
HEY, IT'S THE PUBLIC LIBRARY! SKY'S THE LIMIT!
I'M IN. IN. IN.
[LAUGHTER]
UH-OH, SOLOMON'S HERE.
CHECK, PLEASE.
OH, OH, GOOD.
LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO TALK TO CARYN,
SO IF YOU GUYS WOULDN'T MIND HITTING THE BRICKS.
CARYN, DID YOU HAPPEN TO GO
TO THE BLACK STUDENT UNION MEETING LAST NIGHT?
OH, YEAH, I WENT.
DID YOU HAPPEN TO TAKE ANY NOTES OR PHOTOS?
YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THOSE MEETINGS ARE TO ME.
YEAH. UM, DR. SOLOMON,
YOU'RE NOT BLACK.
WELL, HOW BLACK DO YOU HAVE TO BE?
I MEAN, YOU'RE A MILKY COCOA AT BEST.
THIS ISN'T REALLY ABOUT COLOR.
I SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED AT THE MEETING? TELL ME.
I'M LEAVING NOW.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED ON THE JEFFERSONS LAST NIGHT.
WEEZY ALMOST STARTED A FIRE.
OH, OH, AND THEY CHANGED LIONELS.
IF I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD,
I'D HAVE EVERY SWIMMING POOL HAVE A SHALLOW END,
A DEEP END, AND AN UNBELIEVABLY DEEP END.
THAT IS EXCELLENT. YEAH.
OK, IF I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD,
I'D MAKE EVERY GUY LOOK LIKE DON.
THEN HOW WOULD YOU TELL WHICH ONE WAS DON?
THEY WOULDN'T ALL BE NAMED DON, DUMB ASS.
I WONDER WHAT I'D LOOK LIKE IF I LOOKED LIKE DON.
OH, YOU GUYS, HERE COMES DICK.
CHECK, PLEASE.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE BEEN THINKING-- WE SHOULD ALL ATTEND
THE NEXT BLACK STUDENT UNION MEETING.
WHATEVER. OK.
WELL, UH, MAYBE THERE'S LIKE A WHITE ONE WE COULD GO TO.
YOU THINK? WHY NOT?
BARTENDER...
EXCUSE ME, ARE THERE ANY WHITE SUPPORT GROUPS IN THIS AREA?
YOU MEAN LIKE THOSE WHITE POWER GUYS
WHO MEET OUT IN HENDERSONVILLE?
WHITE POWER.
THAT SOUNDS UPLIFTING. YEAH.
THANK YOU, MY WHITE BROTHER.
WE'LL HAVE 2 ORDERS OF BUFFALO WINGS, PLEASE.
YOU PEOPLE DISGUST ME.
ALL RIGHT, MAKE THAT ONE ORDER OF WINGS
AND ONE MOZZARELLA STICKS.
ANYWAY, IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
WHITE PEOPLE PLAYING WHITE GAMES.
HAVING WHITE DISCUSSIONS.
WHERE DO WHITE PEOPLE GO FOR REALLY GOOD PIZZA?
I'D BE INTERESTED TO KNOW.
HEY, YOU THINK BARRY WHITE WILL SING?
WHY WOULDN'T HE?
Man over megaphone: LOOK TO OURSELVES
AND THE FUTURE GENERATION
TO SEIZE CONTROL OF OUR NATION'S DESTINY.
[CHEERING]
YOU SAY, WHAT'S INVOLVED?
THIS IS OUR NATION. WE WERE HERE FIRST.
WE AREN'T GOIN' ANYWHERE! [CHEERING]
WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING BARRY WHITE WASN'T THERE.
THOSE GUYS WERE KIND OF CREEPY.
WHY DO YOU THINK THEY BURNED
THAT GIANT LOWERCASE LETTER "T"?
I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF ANY GROUP
THAT HATES THE LOWERCASE LETTER "T."
NO, THEY HATED MORE THAN THAT.
THEY HATED JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE GOOD?
IF PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT RACES
COULD LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE AND, OH, I DON'T KNOW...
SAY, HARMONY?
HARRY, HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?
THAT IS SO BRILLIANT.
YOU GUYS, THAT'S THE TOPIC FOR OUR POETRY CONTEST!
UNCHARTED TERRITORY! GET A PEN, GET A PEN!
I'M A POET, AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT.
OH, HERE COMES DICK.
CHECK, PLEASE.
OH, NINA, GOOD.
I WANTED TO ASK YOU,
DID PEOPLE DRESS UP IN ROBES
AT YOUR BLACK STUDENT UNION MEETING?
NO.
AND, UH, WAS THERE A GUY WITH A MICROPHONE
SHOUTING UNATTRACTIVELY?
NO.
OK, GOOD. ONE LAST QUESTION--
WILL YOU ONLY REST WHEN THE BLOOD OF WHITE PEOPLE
OVERFLOWS THE RIVERS OF AMERICA AND RUNS OUT TO SEA?
NO, I'LL PROBABLY REST BEFORE THAT. ANY REASON YOU ASK?
NO, IT'S JUST THAT LAST NIGHT
I WENT TO THIS RALLY IN HENDERSONVILLE--
YOU WHAT?
YOU WENT TO A WHITE POWER RALLY?
BECAUSE OF YOU.
WHAT?! WHAT?!
I--I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
OK, SO WHAT RHYMES WITH RACISM?
WEIGH STATION!
All: YEAH!
UH, THAT DOESN'T RHYME.
YES, IT DOES.
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT RHYMES WITH WEIGH STATION?
PLAYSTATION.
THAT'S IT!
YEAH, BUT YOU GUYS, WE ALREADY RHYMED WEIGH STATION WITH RACISM.
THEY DON'T RHYME.
PLAYSTATION AND WEIGH STATION RHYME BETTER.
YEAH, AND THAT WAY WE CAN AVOID
THE WHOLE RACISM THING.
IT'S SUCH A DOWNER. I KNOW.
ISN'T IT THE POINT THAT WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT RACISM?
YES. POETRY'S HARD.
WELL, YOU KNOW, POETRY DOESN'T HAVE TO RHYME.
WHAT?
YEAH, POETRY THAT DOESN'T WIN PRIZES.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
I MEAN, READ WALT WHITMAN. HE NEVER RHYMED.
LOOK, EITHER RHYME SOMETHING WITH PLAYSTATION OR LEAVE.
CLAYMATION?
FINALLY SOMETHING WE CAN USE!
ALL RIGHT. RACISM IS AS BAD AS CLAYMATION.
THAT IS A...
MAYBE WE DON'T HAVE TO RHYME.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. BREAKTHROUGH.
OK, CLASS, HERE'S YOUR EXAM.
JUST PASS IT AROUND.
I ONLY HAVE ONE BECAUSE MY ASSISTANT NINA
REFUSES TO MAKE ME COPIES.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING RUDE
LIKE ACCUSE HER OF NOT BEING COMPLETELY BLACK?
NO, SHE'S PRETTY BLACK...
UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW.
DR. SOLOMON!
ALL I DID WAS GO TO A WHITE POWER RALLY
AND NOW SHE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME.
YOU WENT TO A WHITE POWER RALLY?
WELL, I AM WHITE.
[GROANS] THAT IS SUCH A WHITE MALE RATIONALIZATION.
JUST DENY THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF WHITE OPPRESSION
AND THEN HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY THAT YOU WANT EQUALITY.
OH, YEAH, RIGHT, WHITE OPPRESSION.
I'M SURE HISTORY REALLY BACKS THAT ONE UP.
WELL, YEAH, THERE'S, LIKE, SLAVERY.
RACIAL QUOTAS.
JAPANESE INTERNMENT CAMPS.
GLASS CEILINGS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
DO YOU EVEN HAVE ONE BLACK FRIEND?
WELL, THERE'S, UH, NINA.
SHE'S YOUR ASSISTANT.
WELL, THERE'S YOU, CARYN.
I'M YOUR STUDENT.
WELL, THEN, THERE'S...AL ROKER.
HE'S ON TELEVISION.
YOU'RE KIDDING, ROKE'S ON TV?
I GOTTA GIVE HIM A CALL!
[GASPS]
OK, WHAT?
MY STUDENTS ARE RIGHT.
I COLONIZED EVERY CONTINENT.
I ENSLAVED AN ENTIRE PEOPLE,
AND EVEN AFTER I ABOLISHED SLAVERY,
I CONTINUED TO MARGINALIZE MINORITIES
WITH ECONOMIC DISINCENTIVES.
DON'T LET THIS EAT YOU UP.
ANGEL FOOD CAKE IS WHITE.
DEVIL'S FOOD CAKE, BLACK!
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WHO GETS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE IN CHESS? THE WHITE GUYS.
DICK, I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS WHITE GUILT THING, TOO.
WHITE GUILT?
OH, YEAH.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF MY ANCESTORS
WAS A PROPONENT OF SLAVERY.
WHO?
WELL, ACTUALLY...
MY MOM.
HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?
SHE'S NOT ME,
AND I'VE LEARNED BY OBSERVING HER BEHAVIOR
THAT WE HAVE THE POWER TO DO WHATEVER WE WANT.
WE HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE CHANGES IN SOCIETY.
WE DO?
ABSOLUTELY.
SO STOP FEELING GUILTY AND DO SOMETHING.
AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU PICKED THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN, RIGHT?
SO, MRS. DUBCEK, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE POEM?
WELL, THE THING ABOUT THIS CONTEST IS
EVERYBODY IN IT IS UNDER THE AGE OF 10.
THEY'RE ALL KIDS?
WE ARE GONNA KICK ASS.
YES! YEAH!
UH, MISS DUBCEK, THERE'S A MAN DOWNSTAIRS
POUNDING ON YOUR DOOR.
OH, HE WOKE UP.
MAYBE I SHOULD LET HIM OUT.
HEY, DICK.
HEY.
DOES ANYONE REMEMBER WHY WE ALL DECIDED TO BE WHITE?
OH--UM, I WENT WITH WHITE
'CAUSE I THOUGHT I'D BE A LITTLE COOLER IN THE SUMMER.
WELL, DON'T YOU REMEMBER, DICK?
ALL THE TELEVISION SIGNALS
THAT WE PICKED UP IN OUTER SPACE
WERE FILLED WITH WHITE PEOPLE.
OH, EXCEPT FOR THAT, UH, THAT BLACK NERD
WITH THE HIKED-UP PANTS AND THE OVERSIZED GLASSES. WHAT WAS HIS NAME?
BRYANT GUMBEL. RIGHT.
WELL, GUESS WHAT?
WE'VE UNWITTINGLY ALIGNED OURSELVES
WITH THE MOST DESPICABLE FORCE IN WESTERN CIVILIZATION.
BUMMER.
YEAH, BUT, DICK, WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.
WE CAN'T CHANGE SOCIETY.
THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.
MARY SAYS WE CAN, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA DO IT.
WELL, HOW?
I'M GONNA REVITALIZE AMERICA'S URBAN EDUCATION SYSTEM.
I'M GONNA CREATE ENTERPRISE ZONES TO DRAW IN INVESTORS.
I'M GONNA SET UP A $1 BILLION MINORITY SCHOLARSHIP FUND,
AND I'D LIKE US, AS A FAMILY,
TO KICK IT WITH SEAN "PUFFY" COMBS MORE OFTEN.
NO, DICK, I MEANT IT'S AGAINST THE RULES
OF OUR MISSION TO CHANGE SOCIETY.
OH, DAMN, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO CONCENTRATE ON NINA.
OH, NINA, GOOD. I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.
CAN I TALK TO YOU?
WHAT IS IT, DR. SOLOMON?
NO, NO, I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.
IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION, NINA, DEAR,
THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PLACED IN A SERVILE ROLE.
THIS JOB HAS PUT YOU ON THE FAST TRACK TO NOWHERE,
BUT ALL THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE.
I HAVE SOME WONDERFUL NEWS FOR YOU.
WHAT?
NINA, YOU'RE FIRED.
WHAT?!
FLY, FLY LIKE A BIRD!
OH, YOU HAVE FINALLY LOST IT!
HARSH MEDICINE, I KNOW, BUT IT'S WHAT YOU NEED.
THIS JOB IS WHAT I NEED.
THIS JOB PAYS FOR MY HEALTH INSURANCE
AND I GET TO TAKE FREE CLASSES.
NINA, SWEETHEART, TRUST ME.
I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME.
YOU THINK I'M SOME LITTLE HELPLESS BLACK GIRL
WHO CAN'T MAKE IT IN THE WORLD
WITHOUT THE HELP OF SOME ENLIGHTENED WHITE GUY
SHOWING HER THE WAY.
AND YOU SAY I DON'T KNOW YOU.
DR. SOLOMON, WHEN I LOOK AT YOU, I DON'T SEE COLOR.
I SEE A JACKASS. GOOD NIGHT.
"IT TAKES ME EVERYWHERE, TO PLACES THAT I LIKE.
AND THAT IS WHY, MY FRIENDS, WHY I LOVE MY BIKE."
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
NOT GOOD. NOT A GOOD POEM.
NOPE. APPARENTLY SHE DIDN'T WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
YEAH. SHE'S JUST COASTING ON HER LOOKS.
YUP.
HEY, UH, MISS GOLTRA, ARE WE UP NEXT?
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE TOO OLD FOR THIS POETRY CONTEST?
OLD? MAYBE YOUR IDEAS ARE TOO OLD.
MAYBE YOU'RE JUST AFRAID OF WHAT WE MIGHT SAY.
YEAH. MAYBE AGEISM HAS GOTTEN THE BETTER OF YOU, MISS GOLTRA.
WE'RE NOT LEAVING.
FINE, FINE. JUST READ YOUR POEM
AND DON'T BREAK ANYTHING ELSE.
OH, MY GOD.
"IF WE COULD CHANGE THE WORLD."
RACISM.
IT'S HERE.
RACISM. STOP RACISM.
STOP RACISM. STOP.
RACISM.
STOP! WHAT?
WELL, YOU'RE STANDING ON MY FOOT.
ALL RIGHT, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
NEVER AGAIN SHOULD A CHEROKEE MAN
BOARD A COMMERCIAL JET LINER
AND BE AFRAID THAT THE COWBOY PILOT
WILL TAKE HIM AND THE REST OF THE PASSENGERS OUT.
RACISM.
WE DREAM OF A WORLD WHERE EVERY PHOTO IS IN COLOR,
AND BLACK AND WHITE PHOTOGRAPHY IS A HILARIOUS JOKE,
AKIN TO SOMEONE SAYING,
"HEY, YOUR HORSE AND BUGGY IS HERE."
WEIGH STATION.
IN THIS WORLD, AMERICA WILL DO THE LAUNDRY OF THE CHINESE.
All: AND WE WILL MIX THE WHITES AND COLORS.
ONE LOAD, ONE WORLD!
[PIANO PLAYING]
* CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT
* AND YOU WONDER WHY
* MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING *
* CRY ALL NIGHT LONG
* SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG
* OH, MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING *
LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN.
All: AMEN.
AMEN!
IF I COULD HAVE YOUR SWEET ATTENTION,
HERE AT THE PIANO.
[PLAYING THE PIANO]
DR. SOLOMON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID HERE, NINA.
[GOSPEL FLOURISH]
SOMETIMES A MAN, HE THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
BUT THAT MAN, HE KNOWS NOTHING.
HE'S SO LOST.
NEVER LOOKS AT LIFE FROM ANY ANGLE BUT HIS OWN.
BUT THEN ONE DAY, HE SEES THE LIGHT. HE READS THE BOOKS.
LEARNS BLACK CULTURE LIKE A PRO.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MALCOLM X AND MR. T? YOU JUST ASK HIM.
BUT I PITY THE FOOL. THIS FOOL, HE THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
BUT STILL, STILL, HE KNOWS NOTHING.
YOU KNOW WHY?
* WHY?
HE PICKED THE WHITE BODY.
* FOOL CHOSE THE WHITE BODY *
HE DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A WHOLE RAINBOW TO PICK FROM.
NOBODY TOLD HIM.
* NOBODY TOLD HIM
BUT I, DICK SOLOMON, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME,
TELL ME THAT I CAN BE A GOOD MAN.
TELL ME I CAN BE GOOD...
IN SPITE OF MY COLOR.
* DICK SOLOMON, YOU CAN BE GOOD *
NINA CAMPBELL...
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
TELL ME I CAN BE GOOD.
TELL ME, NINA! TELL ME I CAN BE GOOD.
I SUPPOSE.
NINA, TELL ME.
TELL ME YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
I'M YOUR FRIEND.
YEAH, WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE.
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.
* DICK SOLOMON, YOU CAN BE GOOD *
COME ON, TELL ME.
TELL ME I'M YOUR SAVIOR!
GOOD NIGHT, REVEREND.
OK, THAT WAS JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
NINA...NINA!
SO HOW'D YOU GUYS DO ON THE POETRY CONTEST?
AHH, PRETTY GOOD.
IT WAS A LITTLE TOUCH-AND-GO THERE FOR A WHILE.
WE HAD TO WRESTLE THE TROPHY AWAY
FROM THAT LITTLE BLONDE "WINNER."
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
AS LONG AS WE'VE BEEN HERE, WE'VE BELIEVED THAT,
AS ALIENS, WE WERE SUPERIOR.
BUT WHAT I REALIZED IS NOBODY'S SUPERIOR.
WE'RE ALL JUST DIFFERENT, THAT'S ALL.
YEAH, DICK, LIKE WE'RE NO BETTER THAN HUMANS?
YEAH!
HEY, YOU GUYS, LOOK AT THIS, I'M HUMAN.
[LOWERS VOICE] CAN I GET CHEESE ON THAT?
* I WAS SO BLIND
* I WAS SO LOST
* UNTIL YOU SPOKE TO ME *
* OOOH
1, 2, 3, 4--
* CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT
* AND YOU WONDER WHY
* MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING *
* CRY ALL NIGHT LONG
* SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG
* MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING *
ONE MORE TIME!
* CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT